Cleanse The Chaos From Your Soul

Do you ever feel like you are stuck in a vicious cycle of your own thoughts? Dwelling on your own thoughts is like a cow chewing on its cud, chomping over and over without swallowing. Or like spinning your wheels in the mud. Your wheels spin faster and faster while digging a hole, but you don’t seem to be getting anywhere. You find yourself stuck and unable to get out.

We can easily find ourselves overwhelmed by our feelings. Our thoughts can quickly take over our mind and we get caught up in this sticky tangled web we’ve spun. We convince ourselves that we are being ridiculous or too sensitive and end up shaming ourselves for whatever we are feeling. Over time we can start relying on that familiar place of reacting without thinking. We tend to push our uncomfortable feelings away instead of confronting them and then disconnect ourselves from situations completely.

I had an experience with a coworker where I stewed in anger for over a year because of something they said about me. Let’s call this coworker Val. I had previously been on good terms with Val so it was infuriating to me to hear this information. A new colleague (we’ll call her Ellie) shared with me that when she was hired, Val warned her that I was a mean and rude person because I couldn’t have children and just had a hysterectomy. Val also told Ellie that I was difficult to work with. Ellie mentioned all of this to me one day after telling me I was nothing like Val had said and that I was always so kind and helpful with the workload. She admitted she was really nervous to work with me as a result of what Val had told her and didn’t feel right keeping these comments to herself anymore.

First of all, my ability to have children has NO FUCKING bearing on my ability to do my job or treat other people with respect. Zero. Zip. Zilch. Nada. Second, why are you blabbing MY medical information to people I don’t even know yet? I am the boss of who gets to know my personal information. Not you Val. Third, you put these preconceived notions in other people’s minds causing them to judge me before they even met me. Not cool. You overstepped boundaries Val. You are now on my shit list. ๐Ÿ˜ 

For the next year I was very distant with Val at work. I kept my communication with her strictly professional but there was always this undertone of displeasure I exuded when talking to her. I couldn’t bring myself to have a civilized conversation with her about what she had said about me because I knew that I would lose my temper and get fired. I stressed myself out everytime I went to work knowing Val was there. I had fallen into the trap of avoiding conflict at the expense of my own well-being.

After I became too sick to work, my health became my priority and I no longer gave a shit about this resentment towards Val anymore. I reached out to her and had the civilized conversation that I was not able to have while we worked together. I aired everything out and she apologized. I accepted her apology and apologized for not being able to have that conversation in person while we worked together.

Life is unpredictable and out of our control. We can choose how we respond to lifeโ€™s difficulties. Worrying about what others think of you and say about you doesn’t change a damn thing. It won’t suddenly make people love and respect you. It won’t magically change their mind about you. It doesn’t make them accept you. Life can be better when you focus on what’s going on inside of you rather than what’s happening around you.

We can’t stop negative thoughts from popping into our head, but we can learn to recognize and challenge thinking patterns that put us down. We don’t need to let our minds bully us into a constant state of stress. We can either crumble under lifeโ€™s pressures or embrace them and become better versions of ourselves.

23 thoughts on “Cleanse The Chaos From Your Soul

  1. Love the last sentence “We can either crumble under lifeโ€™s pressures or embrace them and become better versions of ourselves.” This is what I am telling myself right now! Great post ๐Ÿ™‚

    Liked by 2 people

  2. How on earth can any human be okay with sharing personal information about someone else? That was completely unprofessional and mean! I’m glad you managed to confront her and hopefully have forgiven her. I personally hold grudges that I will probably take to my grave… it’s not healthy, so don’t be like me lol

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    1. Shelly I was fuming! It took every ounce of self control to not lose my shit on her every time I saw her. But ultimately I accepted her apology and have forgiven her. Her behavior isn’t worth my time and energy!

      Liked by 1 person

  3. I was appalled at the behaviour of your colleague when I read this. Well done for finding a way to forgive her. I imagine it felt like a weight had been lifted from your shoulders when you were finally able to confront her about it x

    Liked by 2 people

  4. This is beautifully writtenโœจ We canโ€™t be caged in our own minds. Anger is one of those emotion that the more you feed it, the harder it becomes to let go. In the end its always a lot to Curry the burden.

    I love, love this post๐Ÿ’•๐Ÿ’• xx

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Thank you for the inspiration today. Your colleague is something special. Haha. I am glad that was over. Also about being trapped in our heads, wow, what a relatable experience. A challenge we must always try to break at every moment!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you for reading and sharing your thoughts ๐Ÿ™‚ I definitely felt trapped for a long time festering in my own anger towards her. But I am happy that I finally broke the cycle and could move past it!

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  6. Hi. Just found your blog through another blogger and I have to say I was hooked from the first paragraph. Your openness and your writing really hooked me. I’m sorry you had to experience that from a co-worker and it made your work life a lil more difficult. I’m the end you handled it in the best way possible for you. Sending you healing energy and love. Thank you for sharing.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so much for reading! I am so happy that you liked my writing and I truly appreciate your supportive words. I always write very openly and honestly in my own voice. Best wishes to you!

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  7. Wow, I would react the way you reacted towards your coworker maybe even worst ๐Ÿ˜…. Sometimes we canโ€™t really ignore what other people think and say about us, it will affect us. But itโ€™s also a matter of learning how to let it go and focus on things that we can control.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you Joana for your support! It’s hard to ignore when other people are so blatantly disrespectful towards us and others. But learning to let go of the anger helped me tremendously!

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  8. Thank you for your deeply honest post. I think it would be heartwrenching to have someone be so cruel. The way people misunderstand the psychology of fertility challenges is irksome and infuriating. I’m glad you were able to talk it through and let it go in the end.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you for reading and sharing your thoughts ๐Ÿ˜€ Yes people can be insensitive and cruel about many sensitive topics. In this case I was at peace with my infertility a long time ago and my coworker knew that. It really made me angry that she spread false information about me and caused others to judge me before even knowing me. I am glad too that I let go of my resentment towards her because in the end it was only hurting me.

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