Life Is a Gift And One Day You Have To Give It Back

It’s been a little over 3 months since Mommom passed away and I still don’t feel like I’ve grieved her yet. Perhaps it’s because my own health monopolizes so much of my time that it distracts me. It breaks my heart that I couldn’t visit her as much as I wanted to over the last couple of years. I felt like I was failing her. I felt like I wasn’t doing enough. I know it wasn’t my fault I couldn’t visit her due to my medical conditions and the COVID pandemic, but it still breaks my heart.

My grandmother’s unconditional love has given me wisdom. Her love has made me realize that I am special, cherished, and strong. I don’t have to try to become someone because I already am someone. I was “punkin” to her, Poppop, and Uncle Miles. Now I am a badass warrior queen 😁 I was loved by her, and it’s the type of love that changes you. I treasure those moments we shared and her spirit continues to stay with me.

My brother, Mommom, Poppop, & me
Mommom & me at my high school graduation

Mommom showed me that life is a gift, and one day you have to give it back. Life goes by fast. It makes you think you should hold on tighter, fight harder, and become better. You learn to surrender to the fact that you can’t make everything last. But some things do. The most important things last.

Love is what stays when everything else has dissipated. Love is what we know even when we lose our memories of the past. That feeling remains in our soul even when the knowledge of it is lost. I knew Mommom felt my love even when we didn’t get to see and hug each other. I couldn’t control Mommom’s declining health or my own, but I made each moment with her count. That’s all I could do.

Mommom taught me to simply be myself and that I am enough. Society can make us feel like we have to climb the corporate ladder in order to be important. It pressures us to be thinner, richer, and look younger. We show only our best moments on social media to appear successful. This is all superficial crap! Where is authenticity in all of this?

If you feel like you’re not enough, be yourself anyway. Love anyway. Show kindness anyway. Fart in public anyway. Drop the f bomb anyway. Lick the cake or brownie batter out of the bowl anyway. Life is not about being popular or admired by everyone. It’s about being authentic in a world that tries to make us think we are not enough.

Mommom’s love for her family, friends, and the community was undeniable. Her life was filled with little joys. Whether it was baking sweet potato biscuits, playing yahtzee and seeing who got “dirty dirty” (the old quarter that got passed around like hot potato when someone got a yahtzee) sewing clothes, admiring G pick a bird clean, or just sitting at the kitchen table shootin’ the shit. Life is filled with little joys we share with the people who take up the biggest spots in our hearts. I may not remember everything throughout life, but I will remember Mommom’s life as a gift and that I was loved.

10 thoughts on “Life Is a Gift And One Day You Have To Give It Back

    1. Yes she was a one of a kind lady! My memories of her smiling during family gatherings, our talks on the phone, and how the first thing we did was hug and kiss each other no matter where we were help me most when I am missing her.

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  1. She loved her family, did not complain and tried to make the best of everyday. She was patient as the day is long. A wonderful mother, mother-in-law and grandmother. So glad we got to help make her last years enjoyable, well traveled and loved.

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    1. I can never thank you and Uncle David enough for the love and care you showed her. I loved that she was willing to travel with you and have some adventures. That picture of her against the cop car with her sunglasses on will always put a smile on my face!

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  2. Amy, this is such a lovely sentiment to your mom-mom & I couldn’t help but resonate with every word. I totally feel for you for not getting the chance to see her as much before she passed. i haven’t seen my own grandma in two years because of this pandemic (she’s out of state). But as you said, the love for her stays so strong in your heart. I’m so sorry for your loss & hope writing this post & acknowledging her memory like this keeps it alive. they may be gone physically but our loved ones live on through us & in our hearts & stories.

    Sending love your way!

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thank you so much Brittany! Writing this post has actually helped me start to grieve-which I know I need to do. She was such a patient, kind woman full of grace and love. All of the memories and stories I have of her put a smile on my face 😊❤

      Liked by 2 people

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