Get Real

I have been completely surprised by how far my blog has reached around the world in just a few months! So in an effort to engage my readers and share some fun(ny) information, I have created a list of 30 statements about myself. There are 25 true statements and 5 incorrect statements. Have fun reading them and see if you can pick out which 5 are the false statements about me. 😁

  • I have never gone camping
  • My favorite ice cream flavor is mint chocolate chip
  • I have traveled to California
  • I have green eyes
  • I have thrown a can of tuna fish juice on someone because they told me I wouldn’t do it
  • I have visited the town in Norway where Voss water is sourced
  • I have never worn fishnet stockings
  • I have never played golf
  • I have shucked corn with my toes
  • I have been spit on by a llama
  • I slept on an air mattress in college because I couldn’t afford a bed
  • I have visited the casino in Monte carlo
  • I have never mowed a lawn
  • My grandfather and uncle called me Punkin
  • I was born on 7/6 and weighed 7 pounds 6oz
  • My first time on an airplane was for my wedding
  • I have been stung by a wasp on my butt inside my own house
  • I have never gone inside a chuck e cheese
  • I have never failed a class
  • I have fainted in a health department and injured myself
  • I have never tried mountain dew
  • I have never ridden in a limousine 
  • I have never used a tanning bed
  • My favorite fruit is watermelon
  • I have never drinken a beer
  • I don’t own a single piece of black clothing
  • I have never gone skiing
  • I have never seen the Disney movie “Frozen”
  • My favorite song to sing in the car is “Bad stuff happens in the bathroom” from Bob’s burgers
  • I have never been to Niagara falls

If You’re Coming, You’d Better Come Correct

During the last three months the world has had a glimpse of what it’s like to live like me. People have worn masks and gloves when they go out in public, they wore pajamas more than regular clothes, and they learned what it felt like to miss out on their plans and social activities.

But as the world opens back up and more restrictions are lifted, my reality remains unchanged. My rare diseases weren’t suddenly cured during the three months of quarantine. Unfortunately, the world now feels even more unsafe as people are flagrantly disregarding the need to wear masks or keep an appropriate distance from others.

Our country lifting restrictions does NOT mean that contracting coronavirus is no longer a risk. Just because you may not know someone who has been infected with or died from COVID-19 doesn’t mean it isn’t real and capable of devastation.

I can tell you first hand that being a patient in the hospital during this pandemic is AWFUL. You can’t have your loved one(s) there with you. YOU ARE ALL ALONE. Imagine delivering your baby without your loved one by your side. Imagine your loved one is on life support and all medical decisions have to be made over the phone. Imagine trying to cope with saying goodbye to your dying loved one via Facetime or Zoom because you aren’t allowed to be with them in person. πŸ˜ͺ Imagine having a medical crisis yourself and not having the ability to communicate with the medical team. This is my reality EVERY TIME I go to the hospital.

This picture of me was just before the coronavirus outbreak. It’s a very REAL example of what can happen if we’re not careful as a society as we reopen with fewer restrictions. This could be your loved one or friend with a machine breathing for them, being fed through a tube, vomit on their gown, and all alone in the ICU.

If you don’t like wearing a face mask then you’re REALLY going to hate the ventilator

But why are people so resistant to wearing face masks or practicing social distancing? Some people simply want to rebel because they don’t want to be told what to do. Some people don’t believe coronavirus is real and that it’s a government conspiracy. πŸ˜³πŸ™„ Then there are people who won’t wear a mask just because it’s uncomfortable. If we want to get trivial about what is comfortable versus uncomfortable, let’s get trivial.

  • Wearing a bra is uncomfortable. But I still wear one in public because no one needs to see my nips 😁
  • Wearing underwear that gives you a wedgie is uncomfortable. But we all still wear underwear in public (I hope!) And if you’re out there lovin’ every minute of it, that’s TMI for me πŸ˜†
  • Wearing a cup to play contact sports is uncomfortable. But athletes still wear a cup as protection in case someone kicks them below the belt. 😡

Public health is everyone’s responsibility! Smoking inside restaurants and bars has been banned because of the harmful effects of smoke to people’s health. Similarly, if someone is infected with coronavirus (whether they are symptomatic or not), they can cause grave harm to other people’s health every time they cough, sneeze or talk.

There are a number of people who are more vulnerable to COVID-19 and are not capable of speaking up for themselves against those not exercising care in preventing the spread of this virus. I believe in being a voice for those who can’t speak for themselves. I know what it’s like to be in that situation and it sucks. I’m lucky to be able to share my story but not everyone has that luxury-especially those infected with this virus.

I feel a combination of disappointment and frustration as I am reminded of my own limitations as our country reopens with fewer restrictions. As much as I would like to believe that my diseases won’t impact my life, deep down I know they do. I am a captive in my own body, grieving the losses related to my conditions. Man do I miss scrapple- with its crunchy outside and soft inside! 🐷 I know that I am missing out on many things others feel ready to do, but I must carefully weigh every movement I make in order to keep me safe and out of the hospital.

I’m not saying that we need to continue another three months of quarantining. I recognize that there needs to be a balance between restarting the economy and reducing the spread of coronavirus. But public health and safety should be prioritized over getting your nails done, hair colored, or going to the movie theater. These activities are not essential. But breathing is. Human life is essential. So if you’re coming, you’d better come correct by wearing your mask, washing your hands, and practicing appropriate social distancing.

Raw Honesty

“It is what it is.” A statement used by many of us to express frustration about a situation we believe cannot be changed and therefore must be accepted. A snarky facial expression and an eye roll often accompany the saying. πŸ™„ But do we REALLY accept the things we reference in this expression? Could we actually make a change? Or do we just spout off in the heat of the moment?

I came across a poem titled “It is what it is” by Austrian poet Erich Fried. It presented me with another perspective on this phrase; how it can also be about love, fear, and pain.

It is what it is

It is nonsense
says reason
It is what it is
says love

It is calamity
says calculation
It is nothing but pain
says fear
It is hopeless
says insight
It is what it is
says love

It is ludicrous
says pride
It is foolish
says caution
It is impossible
says experience
It is what it is
says love

I think this poem points out a number of reasons why we fail to accept some situations in life. Or at the very least why we are quick to dismiss them. Logic tells us it’s too risky. Fear convinces us that it will be too painful. Experience leads us to believe it’s impossible. Pride tells us we are ridiculous if we accept the situation. But love is just that…love. It is what it is. No nonsense. No foolishness. Just love. ❀

This got me thinking about situations in my life where I routinely mutter “It is what it is.” More often than not I am saying this as a dismissive expression rather than accepting or trying to change a situation. Deer eating the flowers in my garden? It is what it is. Boss asking me to work on my day off? It is what it is. McDonald’s employees giving me honey mustard when I ask for plain honey packets? It is what it is. One area of my life where I struggle with complete acceptance is how I look and feel while taking daily prednisone. Effin’ prednisone! 😠 See?! I can’t even say its name in a sentence without wanting to cuss at it!

If you know me or have been following my blog, you know that I have a number of health conditions that have caused me to be hospitalized several times over the last couple of years. Well I am about to dump my purse all over your welcome mat. In addition to managing severe asthma and life threatening allergies, I also live with 2 rare diseases: mastocytosis and hereditary angioedema. Unfortunately when one condition flares, it’s often like a domino effect that causes the other conditions to flare as well. For example, when I have an allergic reaction, the mast cells in my body overreact and release too much histamine. This taxes my respiratory system resulting in me being placed on a ventilator. When I am able to breathe on my own again I am taken off the ventilator, but the trauma from the tube down my throat causes my hereditary angioedema to flare. So my face, tongue, and throat start swelling. Then I have to receive IV treatment for the angioedema to prevent being intubated again. See what I mean about a domino effect?

In an effort to suppress all the inflammation in my body and keep my asthma as controlled as possible, I take prednisone daily. I fucking hate it. Unfortunately there aren’t many treatment options available for my conditions. And what treatments do exist, I am currently taking or have already failed.

Some days I struggle with truly accepting life on prednisone because the reflection I see in the mirror is not a person I recognize. I don’t look like or feel like me. I feel like a distorted monster looking at themselves in a fun house mirror. Kinda like Rick the hormone monster on Big Mouth on Netflix. πŸ‘ΉπŸ‘Ί

Swollen face from Prednisone AND Hereditary Angioedema flare this past week
Round “Prednisone face” remaining after treating Hereditary Angioedema flare this past week
Before prednisone 3 years ago

I try to keep in mind that underneath the cauldron of shit side effects I am still the same person. I’m still random, kind, weird, stubborn, supportive, fierce, loud, smart, and resilient. I’m still delicate and brutal. 😁 I still mix funfetti cake batter by hand instead of with an electric mixer. I still love all varieties of hydrangeas and I always smile when I hug someone. I still lick my fingers after eating cheese puffs and I always find it soothing when I hear a cat purring. I am not defined solely by my round swollen face, the buffalo hump on my neck, the sideburns on my face, my hair thinning and falling out, the diabetes, the weight gain, the purple stretch marks on my boobs, and the insane cravings to chow down at all hours of the night.

It is what it is. I know that there are certain aspects of my health that can’t be changed so I have accepted that fact. That doesn’t mean there aren’t things that I miss or wish were different. I miss eating scrapple for breakfast. I miss traveling around the world. I miss my thick beautiful wavy hair that I could style any way I wanted. I miss the work I did in blood bank. From the rush of a trauma to identifying antibodies, I just felt like that environment was my calling. I wish that I didn’t feel self conscious about taking my picture now. I wish that I didn’t have to pay such close attention to the elastic in my underwear for fraying. I wish that I didn’t have to do multiple breathing treatments several times a day every day. I wish that I didn’t have to wear special gloves every time I open the mail or a package. I have had to accept that the world isn’t safe for me. Everyday outings and mundane tasks can trigger an anaphylactic reaction or angioedema flare for me.

I’m still working towards complete acceptance of myself on prednisone. Some days it’s more of a struggle than others. For now I live day to day, even moment to moment, and trust that in my own time I will overcome this obstacle just as I always have.

Be Brave Enough to Suck at Something New

I have been left brain dominant since I was a wee tyke. When I was potty training, I would only do my business on the potty if I knew the “nem nems” were available as a treat when I was finished. πŸ˜ƒ I am very analytical and methodical in my way of thinking. There’s always a method to my madness! I am a planner, I am pragmatic, and I have always done well in math and science. Something that has always irked me is that the creative juices don’t come naturally to me. I can’t sing, I’m not artistic, and I can’t act. Seriously, my RBF gives me away in a hot second at the thought of improvising a scene. Although I was a ballet dancer for a number of years, I generally suck at dancing. The methodical side of me can do choreographed dance moves because there is a logical planning to the dance. But I can’t freestyle dance even if I’m white girl wasted! πŸ€ͺ

Too often we talk ourselves out of trying something new. We rationalize our fears and doubts because we feel comfortable inside the protection of the fort we build around us. We believe we’re doing this as a safety precaution but in reality it prevents us from growing into the best version of ourselves. We have been conditioned to think that failure is something to fear, but instead there are a number of reasons why failure is actually good for us.

#1 You Learned Something

So you watch some breakdancing videos on YouTube and figure if these fools can do this, surely you can. You’ve got some hip hop tunes playing on your phone and you’re looking fly as hell with your Richard Simmons sweatbands on. 😌 Within the first 3 seconds of trying to spin on your head, you smash your face on the floor and end up with a bloody nose. πŸ€¦β€β™€οΈ Clearly that’s not a move you should have tried on day 1. Hopefully you learned what didn’t work and that’s a necessary step for success. A big part of living is simply trial and error. If you can walk away having learned anything, then the experience was valuable, even if you lost a little street cred.

#2 You Did Something

You can’t move forward if you are just standing still. Very often people are afraid of simply trying anything new because they don’t want to fail, they’re afraid of what others may think of them, or they convince themselves they’re not ready. No one is ever 100% ready in life. There is only right now, and now is just as good a time as any, so get after it! Even if you sucked at trying something new, you took a step forward so you are no longer standing still. Whether you succeeded or not, you gained some wisdom and a beneficial learning experience.

#3 You Become More Compassionate

We have all experienced what it feels like not to achieve a goal we set for ourselves. Experiencing failure is a part of life. We all know what it feels like to struggle to get back up after life knocks you down. You feel disappointed in yourself, ashamed, embarassed, and worried about how to get your shit together. When others have similar experiences as us, we can relate to what they are going through and become more compassionate people. We can be more supportive to one another if we understand how they feel as they cope with experiencing failure.

#4 You Become More Humble

Experiencing and admitting failure keeps us humble. Success is fleeting, so achieving it as well as maintaining it takes a lot of hard work. Staying humble after a failure helps you maintain perspective because you know the hell you went through to pull yourself together and get back up.

#5 It Motivates You

Fear of failure plus feelings of inadequacy can lead to self-sabotaging procrastination. You’re setting yourself up to fail simply by not trying. Failure is a chance to redirect and motivate yourself to keep trying to reach your goals. Once you achieve your goal, it doesn’t mean you’ve reached your final destination and can stop working hard. If you become too complacent or fall back into self-sabotaging habits, you risk losing everything you’ve worked so hard for.

We can’t expect to do everything right the first time around, and mastering a new skill takes a lot of practice. Don’t let failure consume your heart. So plop down your cardboard, pump up your beats, dance like no one is watching, and be brave enough to suck at something new! πŸ˜„

I Wasn’t Born to be Sugar and Spice, Silent and Submissive

Do you ever feel like your day is going along just fine? Perhaps a little too fine? 🀨 You start growing suspicious and don’t trust it. Next thing you know the shit hits the fan and there it is…the fuckening. No matter how hard you try you can’t take control of the situation. You feel like everything you look at or touch catches on fire. You want to run and hide because you feel like you’re getting sucked into a vortex. My recent fuckening happened to be an anaphylactic reaction during this coronavirus pandemic. 😷

Last week I received a notification that certain brands of epinephrine auto-injectors may not contain a yellow stop collar. I happen to carry several devices of one of these brands. If my epinephrine devices didn’t have this yellow stop collar, they could potentially deliver a double dose of epinephrine. This could cause dangerously high blood pressure, stroke, irregular heart rhythm, or a heart attack. Thankfully all of my epinephrine auto-injectors contained the yellow stop collar so no worries! Or so I thought…

About 20 minutes after verifying all of my epinephrine auto-injectors were safe, I began itching all over, my throat was getting tight, my voice became hoarse, I was wheezing, short of breath, and my tongue was swelling. This was not my first rodeo in the world of anaphylaxis so I was well prepared. I immediately used one of my epinephrine auto-injectors, took some benadryl, prednisone, nebulizer treatments to open my airways, and my home IV treatment to help with the tongue swelling.

I’m sure you are wondering “What on earth could cause an anaphylactic reaction just from inspecting epinephrine devices?” You see, I have a very unique life threatening allergy to a chemical named mercaptobenzothiazole. This chemical is found in rubber products (including rubber bands, garden hoses, tires, rubber gloves, elastic waist bands), adhesives (including adhesive labels, EKG or heart monitor stickers, band aids, stamps), MOST medical gloves, latex products, earphones, and medical tubing. This is a chemical that is VERY widespread in MANY COMMON daily and medical items. When I peeled back the label on each of my epinephrine auto-injectors to check for the yellow stop collar, I inadvertently exposed myself to mercaptobenzothiazole in the adhesive label on each device. Twenty minutes later I am having an anaphylactic reaction. 😞 The irony is not lost on me that in an effort to make sure my lifesaving medication is safe to use, I ended up causing an anaphylactic reaction. πŸ™„

Because of the coronavirus pandemic, I wanted to do all the treatment I could at home instead of going to the hospital. Plus I think hospitals are like the ball pits at Chuck E Cheese-they’re gross 🀒 Thankfully my powerhouse round of treatment seemed to calm my immune system down. The next day I am going about my business as usual when it starts becoming apparent that my symptoms are returning without an additional exposure. πŸ˜’ This is not unusual for me because nearly all of my anaphylactic reactions have been biphasic-meaning I have a second wave of symptoms usually within 24 hours of my initial exposure. After talking to my two allergists and my home IV treatment nurse, they all insisted that it was time to go to the hospital. Three strikes and I’m out! ⚾️

The paramedics arrive but little did we know that due to coronavirus restrictions, they cannot initiate treatment en route to the hospital. Nor can my husband be at the hospital with me-not even to help communicate on my behalf since I am struggling to talk. Once I arrive at the hospital, a provider in the ER immediately gives me some steroids and antihistamines. Once she reads my history in the computer, and realizes that I have been intubated in the past, she moves me to a section in the ER with higher level care.

Here’s where the fuckening continued. 🀬 The ER doctor now assigned to take care of me comes into my room wearing hospital gloves. I inform him the hospital gloves contain the chemical that I am highly allergic to and that he needs to wear the gloves that I provide which lack mercaptobenzothiazole. The doctor insists the hospital gloves are inert and refused to wear my gloves. I told him that he cannot touch me unless he either wears my gloves or washes his hands and doesn’t wear any gloves. I offered to show him letters from my allergist that document my mercaptobenzothiazole allergy but he refused to look at the letters.

At this point my face and tongue are continuing to swell and my wheezing is very audible. I beg for epinephrine and respiratory therapy. The doctor attempts to look past my swollen tongue at the back of my throat and then listens to my lungs in two spots. He says “Your throat is open darling and there’s no wheezing. People who are as healthy looking as you don’t need any treatment.” Okay… first, I’m not your darling so STFU. Second, you’re telling me that the paramedics, my two allergists, my nurse, my husband, and my own ears were ALL wrong? Yeah right…like I wanted to ride in an ambulance and come to the hospital for shits and giggles. πŸ™„

I told the doctor that I needed to leave because I didn’t feel safe. I told him that he wasn’t treating my anaphylaxis appropriately and I didn’t appreciate his dismissive attitude toward my allergy. He said “I need to make sure that you have the mental capacity to understand that you could die if your throat closes up.” I wanted to punch him in the throat and pull out his nose hairs. I had given all the fucks I could spare at this point. I was fuck bankrupt with this man. The doctor discharged me against medical advice and G picked me up from the hospital. I immediately used my epinephrine auto-injector in the car and within moments I was improving significantly.

I wasn’t a little girl born to be sugar and spice and everything nice. Nor was I born to be silent and submissive. I believe in standing up for what is right even if it’s unpopular, uncomfortable, and inconvenient. I don’t always say or do things in society’s conventional way. But the passion in my heart and fire in my gut (and no that’s not a fart joke for once πŸ˜„) have never steered me wrong.

***If you or someone you know carries epinephrine 0.3mg autoinjectors, please go to or share this link below: https://www.fda.gov/drugs/drug-safety-and-availability/fda-alerts-patients-and-health-care-professionals-amneal-and-impax-laboratories-epinephrine-auto

Be Classy, Sassy, and a Bit Badassy

A person who knows what they bring to the table isn’t afraid to eat alone. For some reason people think it’s weird or uncomfortable to go to a restaurant and eat alone. 😳 I don’t subscribe to this thought process as I have intentionally dined alone in many restaurants over the years. I don’t find it embarrassing to ask for a “table for one,” rather I am emboldened by it. I have also enjoyed traveling solo a few times. Many people have asked me “Aren’t you scared to travel internationally by yourself?” Or “Why would you want to travel alone?” No I am not afraid of traveling alone. There is something liberating about going on a journey by yourself. I don’t find these experiences lonely. I see them as opportunities to enjoy my own company. 😊

Confident people are badass. 😎 There’s something about the way they think, talk, and act that gives them an edge. A confident person’s energy tells their story and their focus on life is captivating. So what does a confident person do that a less confident person doesn’t do that sets them apart?

Confident people practice healthy boundaries. Let’s be honest, most of us have difficulty setting boundaries. We want to make our spouse, children, family, friends, boss, coworkers, the person you’re low key stalking on social media, hell EVERYONE happy. In trying to do so, we fail to assert healthy boundaries. This can cause us to experience more stress, burnout, or depression. It takes a lot of practice to learn how to say yes ONLY when you mean yes, and how to say NO in a firm but considerate way.

Confident people speak up. They’re willing to express themselves even when they know it may generate conflict. They stand up for what they believe in, even when it’s not convenient or popular. They deliver their thoughts and ideas with conviction. And sometimes with a sassy attitude. 😁

Confident people are open to new experiences. People are often intimidated by trying something new because they’re afraid of failure. Fear doesn’t hold confident people back because they know that if they never try they will never succeed. They also know that even if they fall flat on their face, it’s an opportunity to understand how failure and mistakes lead to growth.

Confident people don’t berate themselves. If they fail at something, they allow themselves to feel disappointed, then they make it a priority to move on. Confident people choose to look forward, not back, and reexamine the experience as an opportunity to learn how to cope when things don’t work out the way they expected.

Confident people listen to understand, not to reply. If they don’t understand, they strive to. Confident people don’t assume they understand the other person’s point of view; they will seek clarification. A confident person doesn’t input their opinions or views while someone else is talking. Confident people know that by listening to understand, they are more likely to learn and grow.

Confident people don’t question their decisions. When they make a decision they stick with it. No wavering, no waffling. They’re confident in their choice, whether it’s deciding what city to live in or having chicken and waffles for dinner. πŸ—

Confident people are supportive of themselves. Confidence thrives where self love grows. Practicing self love can be a challenge for some people because it can be confused with selfishness. But if we have a healthy love for ourselves, then we can more easily love others. ❀ When you feel your own love, you gain confidence.

Confidence is a journey not a destination. It can take a lifetime to build. Being confident allows you to see the world without limitations and to live a classy, sassy, badass life. πŸ€ͺ

Spicy Nuggs

Have you ever witnessed someone say or do something so stupid that it makes you think they were put together with spare parts? I’m not talking about someone acting like a jackass with the intention of making you laugh. That to me is almost as funny as a fart. πŸ’¨ I’m talking about the stupid shit people do that makes you roll your eyes, shake your head, and mumble under your breath “What a fucking idiot!” πŸ€¦β€β™€οΈπŸ€¦β€β™‚οΈ

In this post I will share some stories filled with ninny behavior. These are all true stories. No fluff. No filler. They need no embellishment. Just pure unadulterated frustrating idiocy.

Someone calls 911 for an ambulance and a patient is taken to the local hospital. When they arrive at the hospital they admit they aren’t really sick and hop out of the ambulance to walk to their friend’s house nearby. This person used the ambulance instead of paying for a cab or taking the bus because their insurance covers the cost of an ambulance in full. Who on earth thinks of doing this?! Fuckin’ Degens 😑

A patient comes to the Emergency room at a local hospital. However they refuse all medical treatment. But while laying on the bed in the ER they demand a free sandwich and to be left alone so they could watch TV 😳

Why is it that whenever there is some event like a hurricane, snow storm, or virus outbreak, people bum rush to the store to bogart ALL THE TOILET PAPER?! Granted the eggs, milk, and bread don’t stand a chance either. But what does TP have to do with the weather or respiratory viruses? I get that there’s nothing like a good quality dump session and we all need a certain amount of coverage to feel comfortable. After all, no one wants shit finger. But can we please stop using toilet paper in anger so there’s enough to go around?

G and I made an appointment at our local bank to get some papers notarized. The bank manager says she won’t notarize the papers because they’re not related to our accounts with that bank. Un freakin believable! 😠 You knew we were coming in to have these papers notarized. When I scheduled the appointment I clearly indicated that the papers were not related to our accounts with your bank. Why have us come in just for you to say you can’t do it? If I had known that you only notarize papers related to your own bank accounts then I could have looked for a notary elsewhere and not wasted everyone’s time.

This woman proceeds to waste another 20 minutes of our time asking other bank employees if our papers can be notarized there. Now she’s pissed me off so much that I tell her to close one of our old accounts. She either doesn’t know how to do it or she simply won’t do it. She tells me to have the teller withdraw the money to empty the account. Then I will have to call customer service in a few days to actually close the account. Are you serious?! Get me the *BLEEP* outta here! At this point I had zero fucks left to give this woman. 🀬

Next up is a list of what I like to call “Don’t Be a Shit Pig” πŸ’©πŸ·

  • Someone blows their nose then goes to touch you without cleaning their hands. Hard NO bud!
  • People leaving trash on the counter DIRECTLY above the trash can at work or leaving dirty clothes on the floor NEXT TO the hamper. πŸ™„ C’mon, the trash can and hamper are RIGHT THERE! How much effort does it really take to flick your trash into the open can below?
  • Your sister in law uses your razor in the shower (without your permission) and doesn’t rinse it out. What the $#@*!?! I’m so flustered I can’t even cuss right 😫 All I’m gonna say is “You are gross AF!”
  • People using their cell phones while wearing gloves that have just touched all sorts of body fluids and waste 😡☠ Yeah I’m sure your family will thank you for bringing home C.diff and MRSA on your phone to share with them.
  • Lab employee sitting with their feet up on the urinalysis counter while eating a bowl of noodles and watching a movie 🀒 I’m just gonna let that one marinate.

G and I are on an airplane flying back from Rome after a Mediterranean cruise. It was summertime and with that comes the occasional wicked thunderstorm. We were lucky enough to land at the airport but unable to get to a gate because they were all full. No planes were moving while waiting for the thunderstorm to pass. We were stuck on the tarmac for hours.

There was this passenger across the aisle from us who talked really loud THE ENTIRE 8 HOUR FLIGHT. She was so annoying I wanted to punch her in the throat. At one point the pilot made an announcement overhead. I couldn’t tell you a word the pilot said because of the loud mouthed ninny across the aisle from us. So I shushed her. 🀫 That’s right. I shushed her. She looked directly at me and asked if I had just shushed her. I said “Yes! You need to be quiet so we can hear what the pilot is saying.” She said “Well if we miss the announcement we can just ask the flight attendant.” I yelled back at her “It’s not their job to fill us in because you didn’t shut up when the announcement was made in the first place!” I could have simmered down but sometimes I like being all feisty and shit. πŸ˜†

Outgrow Your Own Bullshit

“Life isn’t fair!” Boy if I had a nickel every time I’ve heard that phrase 😏 Growing up I thought this was just an excuse adults gave in order to justify their behavior. Like it was supposed to be a lesson for children to learn. I thought this excuse was crap. I believed people should be fair to one another and I thought everyone should value fairness the same way I did. I became fixated on this concept.

My life (like everyone else’s) has had no shortage of unfair moments. Growing up I shared a bedroom with my sister who is 10 years younger than I. As I entered high school I naturally wanted more privacy. After all I was 14 and my sister was 4. I was so desperate for my own space I begged my parents to let me live in the shed outside. It had electricity so I didn’t see a problem. Naturally they said no. I even took my bullshit to the next level and demanded to make the bathroom my new bedroom with the bathtub as my bed πŸ€¦β€β™€οΈ It was the mid 90s and I thought having a “waterbed” would be coolio πŸ˜‚ Of course my parents refused this request as well. As I screamed “It’s not fair” my parents rebuttal was “Life’s not fair!” Ah the drama of a teenage girl πŸ™„

Fast forward a few years, I turn 16, and I want a car. I wanted that sweet taste of freedom! I knew better than to expect my parents to buy or give me a car. They had already given me the talk of how a car is a privilege and not a right so if I wanted a car it was 100% up to me. They were clear that they would not provide any money for a car nor would they cosign any loans either. So I busted my hump, saved up my money, and bought my first car when I was 17. It was a 1991 Geo Metro convertible. I LOVED that car! I loved that I could fill up the gas tank for less than $10, I could get 40-50 miles per gallon, and I could park it anywhere. Of course most people’s riding lawn mowers had more giddy up and go than my 3 cylinder engine, but I didn’t care. 🐎

Fast forward a few more years and my brother wants a car. 🚘 I find out my parents cosigned a loan for him to get a car. Of course my own bullshit gets in the way and I argue with my parents over how unfair it is that they would help my brother get a car but they wouldn’t help me. Their response? “Life isn’t fair.” Fast forward another 10 years or so and my parents sell their old car to my younger sister for $1. Yes. A fucking dollar. Once again I let my own bullshit take over and I set off on a quest in search of fairness. I questioned my parents about why they were so unfair with the cars. And yet again I received the unsatisfactory response of “Life’s not fair.”

Eventually I got sick of my own bullshit. What do I mean by my own πŸ‚πŸ’©? It’s all the reasons why I couldn’t or wouldn’t do something. It’s blaming others when things went wrong in my life. It’s not holding myself accountable for my mistakes. It’s not admiting when I was wrong. It’s me not getting out of my own way. And boy was I full of it at times!

Staying in your own bullshit prevents you from growing and moving forward. Complaining feels easier than taking action. Deflecting blame and avoiding responsibility are easier than doing radical work on ourselves. We tend to be fearful of change or we are too easily swayed by the opinions of people close to us.

  • “What would people think if I made this change?”
  • We let ourselves believe “It will never happen anyway.”
  • “What if I fail?”
  • “I’ve already invested this much time, I might as well just stay put.”

Big change often comes after a period of feeling miserable and fed up. Then you have this “fuck it all” moment. It’s when you realize the pain of staying in your own bullshit is more insufferable than the uncertainty of change.

What is your bullshit keeping you from doing? Do you want to go back to school? Maybe you want a new job or a different career. Or perhaps you want to be at peace and happy. Don’t keep giving yourself more crappy excuses. If you’re finally sick of your own bullshit, flush it down for good πŸš½πŸ’©

Embrace Imperfection Or Real Life Will Never Be Enough

Practice makes perfect! How many times have you heard that phrase? πŸ™„ And how many times have you taken it to heart? From a young age we are conditioned to believe that if we practice something enough times, we will do it perfectly. As a result, we expect ourselves to be perfect students, friends, partners, spouses, parents, cooks, athletes, musicians, teachers,…the list goes on.

We equate perfection with success, self worth, and value. Take the athlete for example. As long as they are playing the sport perfectly, fans are cheering them on, and their contract is renewed for A LOT of money. Cha Ching πŸ’²πŸ€‘πŸ’² As a result, they are viewed as successful and valuable. But say that athlete starts making errors during the game, the crowd boos them, and their contract doesn’t get renewed or they get cut from the team. Now they are no longer viewed as successful or valuable because they’re not the perfect athlete. While striving for perfection we seem to forget one inherent truth. WE ARE ALL HUMAN BEINGS! As human beings we are going to make mistakes in life. This doesn’t devalue our self worth or mean we’re not successful.

Perpetually striving for a perfect life leaves us stressed out and exhausted 😟😞 If we’re constantly seeking and craving something that doesn’t exist, we’re not able to fully appreciate ourselves or others. When we relinquish the need to achieve perfection, we are free to create our own happiness. Learning to accept imperfections is hard. Embracing them can be even harder. But we need to learn to embrace imperfection or real life will never be enough.

We have a hard time genuinely connecting with or trusting those who appear to be perfect. We connect with people who are willing to accept and embrace their imperfections because we all have them. When you try to fit yourself into everyone else’s perceptions of perfect, you are denying everyone, including yourself, of who you really are. Just be real and keep it πŸ’―

Whether your imperfection is physical or a personality trait, learn to embrace it instead of hiding it.

  • See your imperfections as unconventional beauty. View your freckles, crooked nose, thick thighs, or flat ass as beautiful! Understand that there’s more than one way to define beauty.
  • Find the strength in your imperfections. Turn your bossiness into strong leadership. If you’re quiet and reserved, use those traits to be a good listener. If you fuck up, find the compassion for others when they fuck up too.
  • Use your imperfections to help others. Reach out to others struggling with acceptance issues and share your story. You may help them begin to accept themselves and you’ll find the courage inside of you to continue embracing your imperfections.

Our imperfections give us character and allow us to bring something unique and valuable to the table. They humanize us and help us relate to other people. Your imperfections are a part of you and there is no shame in that. As you learn to accept and embrace imperfections, you can find the joy in living a “good enough” life and stop seeking a perfect life.

No One Has Their Shit Together All the Time

Who has ever made a New Year’s resolution to get their shit together? Let’s see those hands people! πŸ™‹β€β™€οΈπŸ™‹β€β™‚οΈ And how successful have you been at staying consistent with that resolution? Chances are, not as successful as you intended. You convince yourself that you’ll try again next week, next month, or “when the timing is right.” Next thing you know, an entire year has passed by and you’re in no different position. πŸ€¦β€β™€οΈπŸ€¦β€β™‚οΈ

Having your shit together means different things to different people. To some people it means holding a steady job, paying bills on time, saving money, balancing home and work life, finishing school, or exercising regularly. To others, it has more of an emotional meaning like managing a fear of failure, depression, anxiety, or feelings of inadequacy.

We can feel like we’re failing at life if we don’t have “it together.” We compare our lives to others in search of happiness. But happiness never comes to those who don’t appreciate what they already have. We look at people around us and assume they have their life together based on superficial details.

  • We see the woman who is always well dressed, not a hair out of place, and traveling the world with a smile on her face πŸ‘—πŸ‘ 
  • We see the man out on his boat reeling in fish after fish 🐟
  • We see the mom who is fixing lunch for her children in a clean decluttered house
  • We see the teacher whose students are actively participating in the lesson plan
  • We see the classmate who always gets good grades on tests

On the surface it would seem that their lives are great and they have life figured out. But no one has their shit together all the time.

  • That woman who is perfectly dressed traveling the world? You didn’t know that behind her smile is mounting pressure from being up to her eyeballs in student loan debt.
  • That man who is catching a lot of fish? You didn’t know that he is feeling scared and lonely because he is going through a divorce.
  • That mom who is fixing lunch in her clean house? You didn’t see her in the doctor’s office overwhelmed by the news of her child’s life threatening allergy. Now she’s consumed with worry over how to keep her child safe.
  • That teacher whose students were participating during class? You didn’t see him awake all night, stressed out, ensuring the lesson was just right because he was being evaluated by the assistant principal the next day.
  • That classmate who gets good grades? You didn’t see the weeks she spent in tutoring or the countless hours crying over feeling anxious about taking tests. 😰😟

We convince ourselves to “fake it until we make it” because we assume everyone around us has their life together and we want to give the illusion that we do too. But when you’re living a lie even the happy times are sad because deep down you know it’s bullshit. So why do we do it? Because it’s uncomfortable talking about our struggles in life. Because we’re afraid of being judged. Because we’re in denial. We need to understand and accept that no one’s life is perfect. We need to stop wanting the life that someone else lives. Life is never going to be rainbow sprinkles and K-Pop music videos.

There are going to be days where it feels like all we’re doing is trying to put out one dumpster fire after another until we lose our shit.

  • The cat keeps unraveling every roll of toilet paper in the house during a pandemic when TP is already scarce
  • Your toddler is throwing an epic tantrum in the store because the only brand of chicken nuggets your child will eat is sold out. Oh and people are whipping out their cell phones to record the meltdown πŸ˜«πŸ˜’
  • The new procedures at work on what to do during a disaster keep changing faster than you can keep up with reading them

No one has their shit together all the time. Expecting to have every detail of your life in order 100% of the time is setting yourself up for failure. Remind yourself to take the good with the bad and love what you have. People will change and things will go wrong, but just remember life goes on πŸ˜ƒ